january 13

I’m not one to make resolutions, but I thought for 2016 I might try to blog a little more.  Considering I only blogged about 3 times (correction: it was 5) in 2015, this isn’t really that lofty of a goal, but we’re also 13 days in and I’m just now writing for the first time.  We’ll see how this pans out, I guess.  My friend and I joke that some (most?) days we feel like cardboard cutouts, locked in the routine of kids and babies and house stuff and work, tired and emotionally drained.  That sounds pretty dire and depressing and I don’t mean it like that.  It’s just that given a whole free day to myself, I’d be hard pressed to know what exactly I would want to do, what would really make me feel excited.  I know things I used to like – reading, running, going for walks, writing, puzzles, being with friends – but I don’t know for sure if those are things that would still fit (friends would, I’m pretty sure).  Basically, I’ve spent so much time and energy growing these babies that I’ve lost a little bit of a sense of who I am in the process.  I know I’ve changed a lot from who I was before I was a mom, and now three kids in and four years later, I haven’t had a chance in the whirlwind to keep up with myself.  Again, this all sounds kind of dramatic and emotional and I really don’t feel that twisted up about it.  I’m very happy with our family and life.  I think it’s natural and probably a lot of people feel this way, whether through motherhood or just an intense season of life that rocks you and then on the other side you think, whoa, who am I again, now?  I’m just recognizing I’m not sure what exactly I’ll write about, when I do write, but that words might be the truest way to get to know myself again, a little bit.

So anyway, there’s an angsty start to my return (probably shouldn’t call it that yet) to blogging, to get you all excited and cheery!

It’s a Wednesday morning here, 7am.  Leo and Katie are still sleeping (shocking, at least for Leo), Molly is rolling and scooting around the floor (she’s thisclose to crawling, guys), I’m on my third cup of mostly-decaf coffee, Dave is hanging out with two guy friends downstairs (a regular Wednesday morning occurrence), and I’ve got peppermint and lavender in the essential oil diffuser Dave gave me for Christmas.  Molly woke up at 4:30am this morning to nurse (she’s up every 3 hours at night still) and I stayed up after that, thinking I would try to get a run in.  But then I fell asleep on the couch, so maybe later on that one.  To be honest, this is only the second week where I’m even attempting to run, as running went out the window for a couple months because I mostly did not have the energy, but also struggled to find the right time.  I’m still not sure where to fit it in, but I’ve gotten over myself in thinking that it needs to be a certain amount of time or distance in order to be worth it.  15 minutes?  1.5 miles?  Sounds good.  At least I did it!

Leo is up now and it’s time to start breakfast and get him ready for school and our day is off!


9 thoughts on “january 13

  1. Nice to hear from you again!! Yes, those early years felt like “survival” time while trying to enjoy it knowing that they grow and it goes so fast. As they become more independent hopefully you can throw in some “me time” because that’s very important too. Great post!

  2. Hey, your blog title is so apt! You’re still evolving!! 🙂 Still struggling on where to fit in exercise as well!! Miss those summer days where we could be out walking….

  3. I love you, friend, and I love reading about your life. I still check here most mornings just in case you’ve written. I’m glad you did today!

  4. I would love to get to read your posts as you rediscover you! I miss reading about you and your family, in general! 🙂

    And amen to that – any workout is a good one, not matter how long it is 🙂 I hope you get some time for the things you enjoy on your own 🙂

  5. Nice to read your lovely words again! Hang in there! You are doing a fantastic job in your many roles as mother, wife, employee, friend, etc. Your feelings are so normal for this stage (I know you know this) and I promise your kids will be older sooner than you know it and you will have to figure out what to do with your extra time. There is an element to your busier stage that I somehow miss, to be honest. P.S. Love seeing photos of the kids. Adorable!

  6. Enjoyed your post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts on motherhood – I could relate and didn’t think you sounded dramatic! Your kids are darling!

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